Lately I’ve been thinking about why bad guys get away with as much as they do, and I think it’s come down to a few key points. Over the next few weeks I hope to put together a guide to help the good guys detect the bad guys before the bad guys can execute their evil plans.

There are many types of good guys, in this installment of  ”the good guys guide to detecting bad guys” we will only discuss every day heroes.

As a good guy you have certain keen abilities that nobody else will ever take notice of or acknowledge. Perhaps its a vibe, you may yell moments before a person opens a door not to open it and the person will simply scoff and open it and be blown to bits, or perhaps there is a fire, and you’ll tell others not to take a particular path yet they simply ignore you. You know what your duties are as the hero; You are obligated to lead them to safety all the while not suffering any major wounds. You are only allowed to suffer major wounds before the final battle. If you suffer them before hand, odds are your best friend is probably the hero and you will be the tragic sacrifice that pushes them over the edge to do what must be done to save humanity. This is ok, you will always be remembered by him, and the woman you love as he consoles her and finds his true place with her, but only if she is pretty and not his sister.

One of the main things a good guy should look out for are names; Bad guys either have a sophisticated sounding name, or just a first name, but even the first name will sound sinister or bad ass. You’ll never meet a master mind named Frank, or Henry, they could be henchmen aspiring to become full fledged masterminds, but often they will over step their bounds and get them selves killed or be loyal till the very end when the mastermind makes an example out of them.

Keep in mind, you could meet a mastermind who is the fourth or fifth in the generation to carry the name. If their name has a Van or Von in the middle somewhere, BAD GUY! Doesnt matter how much he donates to the “stop clubbing baby seals foundation” the dude probably owns a golden club.

Another thing to look out for is just how much public service they do, this is directly proportionate to how much evil they commit. The proportions usually go between 1/10th to 1/4th, depending on why they are being evil. Somebody born evil, will usually do around the 1/10th, somebody that feels like they have been wronged by the system and usually has will do roughly 1/4. I call this the guilt index.

Does the person you suspect have a large piece of land with a huge house on it? Is the house surrounded by a black wrought iron fence? Are there always dark clouds over it? Is there last name Adams? If you’ve answered yes to everything but the last question, odds are, you’re dealing with a criminal mastermind. If you answered yes to all questions, a safe bet would be to still avoid the place.

You should be wary of suspicious deaths. Often a mastermind will stage their death, if their death looks too easy, you should question it. If you cant provide a body, and even if you can, you should do multiple points of DNA checking to verify that its the same person. A few witnesses or video footage wouldnt hurt, but really you want to verify it by eye witnessing it yourself. Make sure to inspect the area to see if there are any points of escape. Freezing their assets upon their death is not a bad idea either. Best to have their financial institutions number on speed dial, so you can quickly nip in the bud would could otherwise lead to embarrassing resurrections of evil.

I think this is all I will impart on you until next time.